| ITEM | PURPOSE |
|---|---|
| Hardhat | For those surprise directives from on high. |
| Paper Towels | For remediation and cleanup after a suprise directive. |
| Kneepads | To prevent repetitive motion injury while trying to obtain funding for your project. |
| Rope | Won't secure you while out on a limb, but if you push on it instead of pulling, you'll be a "team player." |
| Safety Shoes | To prevent repetitive motion injury while giving performance reviews. |
| Padded Shorts | To prevent repetitive motion injury while receiving performance reviews. |
| Lip Balm | To prevent repetitive motion injury while trying to get a better performance review next year. |
| Russian Novel | To remind you how many times you'll meet the same people in your career — be polite and prosper! |
And remember always to hold your tail high, and never bare your teeth.
